


How Do You Feel?

by MayaShea



Category: Lollipop Chainsaw
Genre: Death, Odd, Other, Surreal, Trippy, dream - Freeform, strange
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-10-26
Updated: 2012-10-26
Packaged: 2017-11-17 01:43:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,646
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/546251
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MayaShea/pseuds/MayaShea
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A young girl is forced to face many challenges as her life begins to drift away from her.</p>
            </blockquote>





	How Do You Feel?

_She opens her eyes._

The things she saw were like no others. Something that would only occur in a dream, a nightmare, or some kind of twisted fantasy. Sure, she'd seen beautiful things before. But it was all artificial, stirred up only by the use of substances, not something that she had created herself. What she was witnessing now was almost as spectacular as a fireworks show on the fourth of july, except there was no end to it. The colors exploded on for what felt like forever, and she stood on what seemed to be nothing but air. Or was it something else? A replacement, perhaps. Plastic air.

As she took a step forward, the colors changed, re-shaping to the form of her movement. A faint smile spread across her face, and she put another foot forward cautiously, anticipating what the difference would be. But instead of doing what it had done before, the void turned blank. The girl, taken by surprise, took about five steps back, her expression switching from one of joy to one of confusion. Everything was white. The shadows were white. There were no shadows. Only light.

She placed a finger on whatever she was standing on, like a little girl reaching down to touch the water in a pond for the first time. Also much like a pond, the invisible ground rippled to the touch, each ripple containing a different color before it dissolved back into what it had come from. Once more, it was pure white. Only light.

Her head slowly arched up, she was investigating the world around her. Though it contained inside of it nothing but herself, there was a slight breeze whistling through her long, black locks of hair. Picking up a strand and letting it drop again. She closed her eyes, allowing it all in. The breeze became stronger, her eyelashes fluttered, and her heart beat faster. Her heart beat faster? _Why_ , she asked herself. What an odd thing to happen, why would a small breeze make her anxious? The wind grew stronger, soon picking up all of her hair and bringing it high above her head. The loose flaps of her shirt sleeves reached for the non-exsistant sky, as well as the large flare on the bottom of her jeans. Her breath was short, and it felt as if she was losing oxygen. Which also made no sense. Or did it?

She opened her eyes, attempting to scream, but promptly closed her mouth when she fully realized the situation she was in. All around her was water, dyed an enchanting shade of turquoise. It felt as though there was a large anchor tied to her foot as she struggled to swim up. Her vision, which was blurring fast, could see no surface. Only sparkling blue until the end of everything. Panic crept its way into her nerves, she glanced around quickly for something to help pull her up. 

 _Help!_ She yelped, but nobody could hear. Were those tears in her eyes, or was it just the water?  _Help, help, help, help!_ She stopped suddenly, noticing something out of place. When she spoke, the bubbles that emerged from her mouth floated down, not up. Her face darted above her once more, and then below her. Though it was far away, there was a cave on what looked to be the ocean floor of wherever she was. Frantically, she swam down, the imaginary anchor on her foot screaming for her to swim up instead. Instinctively, she wiggled the foot around, pretending to shake it off. 

The cave grew larger and larger, though it didn't, really. But she was getting closer, which was a great relief, her chest was so tight it felt as though it might dissolve right through her skeleton. She squinted her eyes, seeing a bright purple glow outside of the entrance. Almost as if someone had marked this area for her. Maybe she was meant to be here, in this mysterious place.

The purple glow was soon right in front of her face, a sign placed next to it. She leaned in, struggling to read what it said.

" _Do you remember?_ "

It occured to her for merely a second to think about what the words meant, but that thought was swiftly replaced by the extreme need to get out of the current situation she was in. Her lungs hurt more than they ever had in her entire life.

She travelled into the cave, and the water started to dissapear. The more shallow it got, the more she was able to stand instead of swim. Finally she gulped in the sweet, sweet oxygen she had missed so much, clutching onto one of the cave walls and gasping for air. Slowly, she shook some of the water out of her ears and tried to drain some of the water out of her clothes. She stopped, looking down, and placed her forehead against the surface in front of her. What was this, all of it? A different dimension? A cruel joke somebody was playing on her?

Her thoughts stopped when she lifted her head up and saw what was in front of her. It was something meant to be beautiful, a sign of hope for the people of America. Hope that the hard times would end. That their family members would come home safe.

There she stood, in a crowd of what must have been thousands, cheering and clapping and jumping around. She remembered it perfectly, it was the Vietnam peace rally she had attended earlier that year, 1971. 

She walked up to herself slowly, a clear path through the crowd had already been made for her. The other her had seemed to calm down a bit, she was listening to what the speaker on the podium was saying. The girl went to place a hand on her own shoulder, and as she made contact, her past self stiffened. She could tell something was there, but she wasn't sure of what. Just as she was about to look around to see who had touched her, somebody in the front of the crowd started yelling. 

Both her and her past self darted their heads to look. A young man was fighting against the police as they tried to carry him away. More and more people joined in on the yelling when they saw what was happening, trying to defend the boy.  _No, no, no, no, no._

She ran past her other self, making her way to the center of the crowd where the young man was. Her eyes bolted around her skull, taking it all in. 

_Do you remember?_

"Stop!" She screamed, but nobody seemed to hear. More police men showed up, one of them bringing out his nightstick and hitting the man in the head with it. The people surrounding them got louder, some of them trying to stop the action. 

The other her bolted past the crowd right into the police men, frantically batting away their nightsticks.

_Do you remember?_

Another police man took out his and made contact with her face, the sudden jolt of pain sending her staggering back. She started screaming about protester's rights and how this was why the world was falling apart, but he just swung again, this time hitting her flat on the forehead. She fell to the ground, clutching her bleeding head in agony. Her eyes met those of the young man, who was also on the ground, though he was beat up much more severely than she was. With one swollen eye looking at her, he pleaded for her to help. He brought a bloody hand up to her cheek as she watched in terror, trying desperately to hang on to her consiousness. 

The present her shook her head, she knew what was coming next. She didn't need to be seeing this. Not again.

As she started to back up into the crowd, the young man leaned in close to her past self and faintly said, "Fight for us."

She continued to shake her head over and over, dissolving into the pack of people. Suddenly, her back bumped into something hard. It made a  _clunk_ noise. When she turned around to investigate, the crowd was gone. It was a black metallic door, a psychedelic pattern painted over it. Next to the door, on a wall, a piece of notebook paper was taped. She ripped it off, turning it around quickly and reading what it said.

" _Was it the truth?_ "

After letting the words sink in, she dreaded what could be behind the door. The note fell out of her grip, and hesitantly, she turned the door knob. What was waiting for her inside wasn't what she had expected it to be. It was the interior of a tour bus, not too large, but not painfully small, either. The decor was beautiful. The windows showed the blur of the scenery they were passing, the bus was moving fast. Out of a door in the back room emerged herself and one of the band members, a goofy expression painted all over the man's face. She almost stumbled out, quickly trying to fix her hair before anyone else could see her.

"Mariska."

The girl turned her head to the front of the bus. All the other members and their manager were bunched together, as well as some of the other girls who were riding along with them. Giggling, she walked up to them all, still trying to fix her hair.

"Mmmmm?"

The manager, dressed in a light grey pinstriped suit, crossed his arms and seemed unamused by her silly manner. He motioned for her to sit down on one of the bus seats, and she did, her smile fading a bit when she realized everyone else was looking at her, too.

"We recieved some news regarding you today," He started, shifting glances with the band members. "About your identity."

The girl froze, slowly slouching down in her seat like a little kid who was just caught with their hand in a cookie jar. 

"How old did you tell us you were when you joined the tour?"

She looked down before answering. "19."

"Are you 19, Mariska?"

Her eyes glanced out the window, as if she was plotting an escape. Or maybe she was stealing what would probably be the last look she'd get from this view. "No."

The man's look pierced into her, making her feel uncomfortable. "We got a call from your mom today. Said she came home and saw you were gone. You also told us you had permission to be here, no?"

"Well, I mean-"

"She mentioned something about you not even being 18 yet." The drummer said, a bit of guilt painted on his face as he spoke. "How old  _are_ you?"

"15."

They all moaned. The singer, who was still in the back of the bus, choked on his drink. " _Fifteen?"_ He almost yelled, shock in his voice. "You're fucking shittin' me, man. Is she shittin' me?" He looked to his friends for help, but they said nothing. He raised his arms up in defeat, then let them drop on a coffee table, startling everyone.

"We've already broken a bunch of laws havin' you here, Mar." Said the guitarist, who seemed sad. "You're real cool, don't get me wrong, but..." His eyes shifted to the singer, who was starting to pull his hair out in frustration. 

"We're removing you from the tour, effective immediately." The manager admitted suddenly. Nobody said anything for a few minutes, allowing it all to sink in. The driver stopped at a bus stop, opening the doors. "Make sure you've got all of your stuff before you leave."

With her head hung low, Mariska went into the back room, trying her best to ignore the singer as she did. She came back out with a small bag and stole a quick glance at everyone there. Her movement stopped about a foot before the door, she turned around and looked at the man in the back with hurt in her eyes.

"I loved you."

Her words were loud, and they stung on his ears. He brought his head up, an expression with mixed amounts of shock and confusion written all over him. He looked as if he was about to respond, but instead just shook his head and looked down again. With that, the girl stepped out of the tour bus. Through the windows, the present her could see the past one sitting on a bench sobbing with her face in her hands. She took a deep breath before she opened up the black metallic door again and went back out. 

_Was it the truth?_

What greeted her this time was a black tunnel, illuminated by dotted neon lights lining the floor. She began walking down the path, her heart beating fast. As she walked, the walls of the tunnel turned into mirrors, reflecting each step she took. At the end, a mirrored revolving door was placed, this time a note was written in black marker on different sides of the door. It moved around on its own, slowly revealing the full message.

" _Face"_

_"Your"_

_"Self"_

She stared for a few seconds, collecting her thoughts, before pushing through the doors into...a big mirror? 

She looked at herself, patting down her hair, but the movements between her and the reflection weren't matching up. This was a completely different being, not a mirror image. A clone?

The other her tilted her head and looked deep into Mariska's mismatched eyes, slowly extending out her arm to grab. She looked at her surroundings, unsure of what to do. The other one didn't move, she just waited. Waited for an opportunity. For a chance.

Finally, she grabbed the hand and was pulled into whatever dimension the other one had been in. The two of them were floating on air, below them was a large, grassy field. It was late. She gulped, taking in the scene. 

Laying down on the field was Mariska. Or, what remained of her. The body was almost torn to pieces, patterns of blood lining almost all of it. Beside her, the roaring engine of a combine raged, zooming around, chopping up grass and whatever else was in the way. Suddenly, she remembered. All of it. How she had ended up here.

The girl at school. The beautiful on the outside, rancid on the inside one. It had been an especially hard day at school that day, she wouldn't stop torturing Mariska. Pushing her around. Calling her names. She went home to the farm and raced to the drug stash under her pillow as fast as she could, gulping down every last bit of LSD she had. It wasn't long before she was stumbling, petting lamps and talking to the walls. She migrated outside, taking one of the combines that was lined up for cutting the wheat the next day and riding it around the field. Then she fell. Laughing, still. Giggling. Content, as she always was in such a state. Until the blades of the still moving machine met up with her feet.

That's what all of this was.

This was her life flashing before her eyes.

This was the begining of the end.

Her head slowly turned to the clone of herself floating next to her, then back to the body below them.

"Am I dead?"

The other one turned to her, smiling the most unsettling smile she had ever physically seen a human make. "No."

The clone began to fade from the bottom up, and Mariska faced her, quickly, hoping to get some kind of answer to all this.

"Your life has just begun."

Mariska nodded as the girl dissapeared completely, taking one more glance at her own dead body before starting to shut her eyelids...

_She closes her eyes._

 

**Author's Note:**

> Hey everyone! This is my first submission here. I really hope you enjoyed it. I know it's kinda confusing. I'm not sure if you can send messages on this site, but if you have any questions, send me a message? If you can? Or comment on a profile I don't know I'm new lol. Anyways it's 1 AM and I'm gonna see the new Silent Hill movie tomorrow so I need some sleep. Haha. Hopefully there's gonna be more to come! Let me know how you liked it! :)
> 
> ~Maya


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